Pregnancy and infant loss

However early or late, however brief, the baby you lost was real to you. Your grief is grief — not “just a miscarriage,” not “at least it was early,” not “at least you can try again.” The love does not measure smaller because the time was shorter.

Pregnancy and infant loss is one of the most common reasons couples seek counselling. One partner may need to talk constantly; the other may need to be silent. Neither of you is wrong. If it helps, a counsellor who specialises in perinatal loss can sit alongside you both.

The date you found out. The due date. The date of the loss. Many bereaved parents quietly mark each one. You don’t have to do anything special — but for some, knowing that an unsettled feeling has a name can help.

A pregnancy that comes after a loss can be its own emotional landscape. For many, hope and dread sit side by side for nine months. There are specialist counsellors and support groups for pregnancy after loss — Red Nose can point you to them. Its peer support groups run under the Sands name.

You may grieve a baby that other people never knew about, or never accepted as “real.” You can still hold a small ritual at home — light a candle, plant something, name them, write to them. The witnessing is for you and your love.