Keeping them present in family life
They do not have to disappear from the conversation.
One of the quieter griefs is the silence that can fall over a house after a death — as if speaking their name might hurt people. Most bereaved families need the opposite. They need the person to stay in the everyday conversation.
Say their name
Say the name of the person who has died. At the dinner table, in stories, in passing. “Your grandad used to love this song.” “Mum would have laughed at that.” The silence around the person often hurts more than the hearing of their name.
Keep a photo up
A photograph on the wall, on the fridge, on the bedside table. Not shrine-like — just present. It signals to everyone that this person still belongs here.
Mark the dates with the kids
If there are children in the family, mark their birthday or the anniversary with a small family thing — a dinner, a visit, a song. Children often fear they will forget the person who has died. The ritual tells them: we won’t.
Tell the stories
Tell the stories again, especially to children and grandchildren who won’t remember them on their own. The story of how they met, the time they got lost on holiday, the joke they always told. These are how a person stays alive in a family for generations.
An empty chair — if it helps
Some families set a place for the person at Christmas or at birthdays. Some don’t. Some do it the first year and stop. All of these are right. There is no correct amount of absence to represent.
See all 64 guides in Grief & healing →
From bluetulipco.com/library/grief/keeping-them-present — printed 1 October 2026.
General information only — not a substitute for legal, medical, financial, or therapeutic advice. Read the full disclaimer.
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