Ages 6 to 9

A 7-year-old may ask, “What happens to her body?” “Does she feel cold?” “Is she in the ground?” These questions can be confronting. They are a sign of healthy grieving, not morbidity.

Answer briefly, honestly, in line with your family’s beliefs. “When someone dies, their body stops working. It doesn’t feel anything anymore.”

Once they grasp that death is real, they often worry about other people they love dying — parents, pets, themselves. They may ask, “Are you going to die?” The honest answer is: “Most people live a very, very long time. I plan to be here for a long time.”

Children this age often hold their grief together at school and let it pour out at home. They may seem fine to teachers and have a meltdown over a missing sock at 5pm. The meltdown is the grief.

They may be angry at the person who died (“why did she leave me?”), at the world, at you. They may also feel guilty — for the last fight, for not visiting, for being okay sometimes. Name these feelings out loud and tell them they are normal.

• Honest, brief answers to the questions they ask
• Permission to ask anything — “There is no question that’s too much.”
• Stable routines, especially at bedtime
• A grown-up who isn’t a parent they can also talk to (an aunt, a teacher, a coach)
• Drawing, writing, and play as ways to process
• Books about death written for their age — your library or school counsellor can suggest some