Telling your family
It is your choice — and they will need time too.
How and when you tell family is up to you. There is no requirement to tell them at all. But for most people, the people they love are part of the choice, and the conversation matters.
There is no perfect time
Some people tell their family early, when they first start exploring VAD. Others wait until they've been formally assessed. Some never have one big conversation — they let it come up naturally, in pieces. All of these are valid.
What people often need to hear
- That this is not because of them
- That you have thought about it carefully
- That you still love them, very much
- That you would like them to be part of the process if they can
- That it's okay if they need time to come to terms with it
- That they don't have to agree — but you'd like them to be present
When family disagrees
Some family members will struggle, especially at first. Religious beliefs, fear, grief, love — all of these can make it hard to accept. The decision still belongs to the person who is ill, but the relationships are also worth tending. A specialist VAD navigator or palliative care social worker can help families talk through it.
Telling children and grandchildren
For older children and teens, honesty — age-appropriate honesty — is almost always better than secrecy.
Kids & Grief
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See all 53 guides in Care & end of life →
From bluetulipco.com/library/end-of-life/telling-family — printed 1 October 2026.
General information only — not a substitute for legal, medical, financial, or therapeutic advice. Read the full disclaimer.
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