If you found them or witnessed it

In the days and weeks after a traumatic loss, many people experience things that frighten them: flashbacks, intrusive images, vivid nightmares, hypervigilance, feeling unreal or detached, sudden waves of fear, an inability to sleep, or being startled by small noises.

These are common responses to a profoundly abnormal event. They do not mean you are losing your mind. They can mean your nervous system is doing the only thing it knows how to do with what you saw.

For many people, acute trauma responses begin to ease within four to six weeks, especially with rest, support, and gentle care. For some people they don't — and that is when professional help becomes important.

Therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) and trauma-focused CBT have strong evidence for traumatic grief and PTSD. If it helps, a GP can write a Mental Health Care Plan and refer you to a psychologist who specialises in trauma.

Phoenix Australia (the national centre for posttraumatic mental health) maintains information for the public and resources for finding specialist help.

• Slow breathing — in for 4, hold for 4, out for 6
• Cold water on the face or wrists when overwhelmed
• Naming five things you can see, four you can hear, three you can touch
• Daylight on your face, even briefly, every morning
• A short walk outdoors
• Avoiding alcohol — it numbs in the moment but worsens trauma symptoms
• Telling one person what is going on inside you

You can ring Lifeline, Griefline, the Suicide Call Back Service or 13YARN any time — including just to talk through what happened and how you're holding it. None of these is only for emergencies.