The first week

Most people don't realise this: a solicitor can do almost everything on the practical side after a death. Probate, banks, super, property transfers, Centrelink, closing accounts, dealing with creditors — they can take the whole administrative burden off your shoulders while you grieve.

• Apply for probate and manage the estate
• Contact banks, super funds, and insurers on your behalf
• Handle property transfers and title changes
• Lodge the final tax return
• Deal with creditors and outstanding debts
• Navigate Centrelink and government agencies
• Manage any disputes between family members

If you are the executor and feeling overwhelmed, this is one of the most practical things you can do for yourself. You don't have to manage everything alone.

Most Australian families work with a funeral director, but you are not required to. You can plan and run a funeral yourself, or with a non-traditional provider. Costs vary enormously — it is OK to ring two or three and compare.

• Ask for an itemised price list, in writing
• You don't have to choose a "package" — you can pick and choose
• Cheapest is not heartless. Most expensive is not most loving.
• Independent funeral celebrants can be hired separately

There may already be a wish recorded — check the My Wishes section if they had one set up, or look in their will or a letter of wishes.

• Burial — traditional cemetery or natural/"green" burial ground
• Cremation — most common in Australia; ashes can be scattered, kept, or interred
• Aquamation (water cremation) — available in some states
• Donation to medical science — needs to be arranged in advance with a university

You don't need a polished script. You need a few people who loved them, a few songs that matter, and a place for everyone to gather.

• Pick 3–5 photographs
• Choose 1–3 songs (or pieces of music)
• Ask 2–3 people to speak — short is fine
• Decide whether the service will be religious, secular, or somewhere in between
• Decide flowers vs. donations to a charity

A death notice in the local paper or online lets the wider community know. Many funeral directors arrange this for you. There is no rule about timing — write it when you're ready.

For social media, ask one trusted friend to post on your behalf if you'd like. You don't have to be the one to break the news online.

That's the whole goal for the day. If people want to help, ask them to bring food, walk with you, or sit while you nap. Anything else can wait.

Don't fight it. Nap when you can. Get morning sunlight. Avoid screens at 3am. If you're reaching for alcohol or sleeping tablets to cope, talk to your GP this week.

Pick one trusted person and tell them everything — what's happening, what you're scared of, what you need. Let them be your second brain this week.