The first hours

When death is sudden or unexpected, paramedics and police are called as a matter of routine. Their presence does not mean anyone is being investigated. It means the system is making sure everything is properly documented and that you and the people around you are safe.

In Australia, any sudden, unexpected, violent or suspicious death is reported to the Coroner. Police are the Coroner's eyes and ears at the scene. They will ask questions — sometimes detailed ones — about who the person was, what happened, when you last saw them, what their health was like.

• Ask the police if a Family Liaison Officer can be assigned
• Ask if a chaplain or social worker is available
• Ask for the contact details of the local Coronial Counselling Service
• Ask another adult to be with you for the questions
• Ask for a glass of water, a chair, a few minutes

You don't have to be brave on your own.

For deaths reported to the Coroner, formal identification is usually required. In many cases this is done by a family member viewing the body, often at the morgue, sometimes from a photograph. You can ask a friend or extended family member to do this on your behalf if you can't bear to.

You will not be forced to look. You can step out at any moment. Coronial Counselling Services can support families through this.

• You do not have to make funeral decisions
• You do not have to clear the home or the room
• You do not have to ring everyone
• You do not have to sort through their belongings
• You do not have to read everything the police left with you

Most things can wait. Eat. Drink water. Sit down. If it helps, call one person who can sit with you.